Looking for Balance

Does it Exist?

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Photo by Michelle on Unsplash

Am I ever going to be an excellent writer? With practice…maybe. Am I an excellent writer now?… I don’t know. I just like to write. I like to find that one word that perfectly describes a feeling. I’m also beginning to learn that there is never a direct opposite where feelings are involved.

Are you feeling good? Are you feeling bad?

It’s a mix of both. Why can’t it be one or the other? I grew up that way. Polar opposites for everything. It was stifling. I feel okay when you aren’t yelling at me, but I’m still afraid. That doesn’t stop. It won’t stop until twenty years away from you has happened. I can tell there are leftovers, though. When I get worried, my breathing isn’t as deep. Shallow breaths. Shallow breathing. All that energy is out there in the air, and I can’t take it in because I am afraid.

Did I know I was afraid? No. I thought that was normal. I thought that was how people lived. It wasn’t until somebody told me to take a deep breath and hold it that I began to get the idea there was a way to open my door. It’s funny, but so many times as I release that huge, deep breath, I cry. I don’t know why I cry. It just happens.

Is it something I need to find the answers to? Is it something that is going to help me be…